Sick and Fucking Tired

I'm done! I've had it! I'm sick and fucking tired of theses misogynistic, female writers glorifying these disgusting, abusive male characters and their goddamn Mary Sue girlfriends! Where is this coming from you ask?

I read Beautiful Disaster by Jamie Mcguire.

I didn't even get this angry reading 50 Shades; the benchmark for shitty male characters.

Abby Abernathy (bear with the names here, they suck) starts her freshman year at Eastern University. She's a transplant from Wichita, Kansas with her best friend America (aka "Mare" for short). The book opens with Abby and America at a "Fight Club" style underground fight. This is where we meet Travis Maddox - The lust factory. After getting blood on her sweater, things snowball from there.

Travis is a character that stepped out of a stereotype catalog with all of the cliche bad boy traits. Tattoos? Check (and tribal no less. This guy is a walking flashart disaster). Motorcycle? Check. Reputation with the ladies? Check and mate. He is a bare knuckle fighter, which is actually kind of cool in an alpha male sort of way... if he kept it in the ring. That is the only bit of cool about this guy. He starts off arrogant and a man-slut. The only growth we see out of this guy is he learns to keep it in his pants.

Abby is a Mary Sue. We get no real description of what she looks like... at all! I read the entire book and have no idea what she's supposed to look like (one review I saw mentioned she had blond hair. I'm gonna have to take their word for it). She's from Kansas and that's about it. It's like Jamie McGuire made her as nondescript and generic as she possibly could so readers could insert themselves right in. Did I mention all the fellas want her? And that she's *gasp* a virgin? She does occasionally show evidence of a backbone so I guess point for that.

Here's where it gets shit-tastic.

The two develop some weird relationship. Abby loses a bet and winds up having to spend a month at Travis's apartment... in his bed. In the meantime she starts dating this poor schmuck named Parker (who is actually kind of likable). This is when Travis shows his true nature. The jealous, dickhead side of his nature. He would sabotage their dates. When Parker would drop her off and go for the good night kiss, Travis would be at the door waiting. They start making out in Parker's car and Travis practically rips the door off of the frame to drag Abby out. She is an adult, they are not in a relationship and what they were doing she completely and willingly consented to. THIS IS PSYCHOTIC BEHAVIOR! Abby told Travis that all of these issues (plus more) were red flags to her. Yet she stills sleeps in his room, in his bed.

They get into a relationship despite him being crazy pants and her being fully aware of his crazy pants-ness.

Lots of drama ensues oh and violence! Let's list the psychotic red flags!

1. Travis intimidates, threatens, and flat-out wails on any guy that looks appreciatively at, speaks lewdly of, or even accidentally touches Abby. He has no self control AT ALL when there is another man anywhere in her vicinity.

2. About a month into the relationship, Travis gets not one, but two tattoos linked to Abby. The first is her nickname "Pigeon" on his wrist. Yes kids, he calls her Pigeon. That was only cute in Lady and the Tramp. The second is some sticky, romantic line in Hebrew on his side... a language I seriously doubts he knows, you know not being evidenced to be Jewish or even multi-lingual. This is a sign of obsession (that's bad). Abby justifiably freaks out and tells him they need to slow down a little. Which doesn't happen.

3. During a breakup, he and his cousin follow Abby and her friends to a nightclub. Whenever a guy would dance with either of them, both jokers would physically remove the guys from the situation. When Abby spots Travis and Shepley (the cousin) and figures out what they're doing she calls them out on the bad behavior. Instead of being even a little chastised about it, Travis asks to buy her a drink instead. He disregards everything Abby has just said and hits on her instead. What a considerate guy.

 4. Abby goes on a date with Parker to grab pizza and a movie. Just when the food part of the date gets underway Travis swoops in tells Abby he has a fight and that she needs to be there. She is on a date! Instead of telling Travis to fuck off, she goes! She bails on Parker during their date and takes off with her ex-boyfriend. This is the part that makes HER awful. The part that is psychotic about what he did is we find out later he went to get her because he couldn't stand to think of her out with another guy. That's right, Abby isn't a person she's the hydrant Travis keeps pissing on to show other dogs she's his.

 5. (Here is the scene where I finally flipped the fuck out!) There is a Valentine's day dance at a fraternity. Abby goes with America (begrudgingly. Abby doesn't want to be there). Travis says he's not going to show up, but does anyway because he's a stalker like that. Abby rejects his request for a dance, which he does not accept. Instead he proposes a toast to the whole fraternity "To douchebags, and to girls that break your heart." Abby goes off to dance with a guy she met and pretend that did NOT just happen. They start dancing, Travis demands to cut in. Abby tells him, no. Travis proceeds to threaten the guy, calls Abby his girl (she's not they split  up). She rejects his advances AGAIN and goes back to trying to enjoy herself. Instead of taking the hint, he manhandles Abby and kidnaps her from a dance (Mind you they are NOT together at this point). He does everything against her will and ignores the yelling and screaming for help. So does everybody else. No one will help her when Abby is clearly in distress (remind me not to go to that college!). Travis chucks her into the backseat of a waiting car a friend of his is driving. She tries to escape and Travis traps her, telling her he's tired of her shit. Her shit? Really?! He tells her she needs to sober up so they can figure out their relationship. She left him. She has made it clear she doesn't want to be with him. There's nothing to figure out, he just won't take the hint of the humongous neon sign she's been beating him over the head with this entire time. She tells him she doesn't belong to him. He screams that he belongs to her. So I guess Abby's thoughts and feelings and obvious fear of him mean nothing. All that matters is that Travis gets what he wants because he's a codependent mess. Instead of trying to call the cops, Abby caves and they start making out (because he's just like soooo sexy, right?) Who needs a backbone and desires of their own when a man "needs" them?

I can't even go on at this point, folks. This fucking book ruffled my feathers so bad by the end I couldn't take it. The glorification of abuse in this culture is making me crazy. These men being depicted in fiction are being held up as sex symbols. In Young Adult fiction no less (I hate YA. I had no idea Amazon classified this in the YA category. If I'd have known, I'd have skipped it). Why? Their creepy, stalker, and violent behavior is okay simply because the men are hot? If the man was painted to look like a troll, women would have a shit fit about this kind of behavior.

I feel like I'm kicking a dead horse by saying this, but we deserve better. As readers and as women we deserve so much better than to be fed this "love changes" tripe. Any woman that has ever been in an abusive relationship of ANY kind knows this. These men can't be fixed, they don't want to be fixed, and contrary to what pop culture tells us, they are to be left alone. To paraphrase Chuck Palahniuk: You are not special. You are not a unique snowflake. You will not change that jealous bag of dicks into Prince Charming.

Don't tell me "But it's just fiction" that line is bunk; pure bullshit. How many tee shirts, bumper stickers, and coffee mugs do women own saying they want their own Christian Grey, the patron saint of douchebags? There are a million internet memes floating around that are about wanting a guy like Travis Maddox. There are stories of women leaving their husbands because they don't act like these paper doll sex gods. This line of thinking just condones what's these women are writing. The irony of all this is that WOMEN are writing these stories and MEN are somehow the first ones that are pointing out that this behavior is crazy and no woman should be treated like that! So spare me the rhetoric, this shit is seeping into real life and there are men like this walking around out in the world. Get with it.

I have read reviews of Beautiful Disaster that are eerily similar to 50 Shades and other like stories. Women saying they want to be with a guy like Travis Maddox. For those wondering, Travis is a broke version of Grey on steroids. Anytime Abby shows any sort of spine there's no follow through. She gets manipulated and played out of her resolve. Save your time, sanity, and money.

Musings of a Pregnant Mind

My body is not my own

A takeover has occurred.

Things are shifting in my body

For which I have no control

There is no relief for the weary

Nothing to soothe the insides

There is nothing to treat the symptoms

Everything that goes in makes me sick

All food inflates my belly

Combined with the misery of fatigue

Makes me question the formation of life

Lest you think me ungrateful

It's been a long time in the making

The yearn for motherhood abated

As the changes mount

All the discomfort for a miraculous happening

The end justifying the means

The means of which are insufferable

So I'll kick back and ride out the waves

Wait to meet my new addition

The little body changer being the answer to my prayers.

Get your shit together, girl!

Rose keeps getting put off. I know! I'm sorry! I just hadn't thought about how daunting this damn rewatch was going to be. It will be done this week (if it kills me!)

I haven't written anymore for Blood Roses in almost a week. I have been slightly distracted by the fact that I found out I was pregnant last week and have been all but consumed with shock and happy feelings.

I have discovered that creativity gets seriously stunted when anxiety is having its way with the human brain. I have been waking up near panic-land for over a week and my brain just can't bring itself to be thoughtful, or witty, or charming. However, emotional? My brain totally has that record stuck on repeat.

I had a jump drive with original work on it I wanted to load on here for you all. That seems to be hiding in a very good spot. I can't find it anywhere!

A week after discovering the aforementioned pregnancy, I am now TERRIFIED about the prospect of bringing another human life into this world, and what the little nugget will do to mine. I have been preparing for this moment for over a year and had never once considered that the result would scare the shit out of me!

Monsters Inc. Made me cry last night... friggin' Monsters Inc.!

I need to be more socially active on Twitter and tumblr. 

I think I'm done for now with the crazy ramblings. Tune in later for that Doctor Who recap, another sample of Blood Roses, and (assuming I find that damn jump drive) some other short musings of mine.

Just A Whiff of "Blood Roses!"

Hello everyone!

So I pulled "On The Precipice" a few days ago because Tristan had so much more to say than I could put on this blog. He's a demanding fella. So I have been quietly typing away on my word processor, letting his words and thoughts translate through me. I changed the title and started fleshing things out  to hopefully turn this thing into a full length novel (or at least a novella). So here is a sample from Chapter 4! Enjoy!

 

A massive paw swipes down at a girl. She is only just faster than the animal. She narrowly avoids having her arm torn to pieces. The girl dashes to the other side of the room. In her attempt to escape the animal catches the edge of her dressing gown, reeling her in by the flimsy fabric. She’s scrabbling, trying to find purchase in the rug with her nails, screaming all the while. Hot tears run down her cheeks. She’s screaming, kicking at the animal. It grabs her ankle and roughly pulls her toward itself. It has her pinned to the floor by her wrists. Claws like daggers, digging into her flesh. She can feel it’s hot breath on her face, and her blood trickling from the punctures. The animal bares its teeth; it knows it has her. In a desperate move she kicks the animal in the stomach. A whoosh of air escapes its mouth. The jolt loosened its grip just enough for her to get an arm loose. She doesn’t hesitate. She draws back and punches the animal in the eye. It yelps in pain and lets her go, it’s claws tearing a sleeve from her dressing gown in the process. Her opening is a small one. She scrambles to her feet and launches herself away from certain death. The fire has gone out, the room is black as pitch. She can’t find the exit. Instead she tries to find a place to hide. Behind her she can hear furniture being ripped apart in apparent frustration. She picks a direction and runs, hoping to find cover. She doesn’t make it far before the animal is on her again. She lets out a scream as she’s knocked to the floor. The animal is standing over her; poised to kill. She throws an arm out, searching desperately for anything that can be used as a weapon. The animal is tearing at her gown stripping the material from her body. Her collar is buttoned up around her neck, protecting the vulnerable pulse beneath. At last she feels metal under her palm. She gets a firm grip on her club, closes her eyes and swings with all her strength. Her aim is true despite the dark and she connects with the animal’s temple. With a grunt it keels over to the side. She doesn’t wait to see if it’s dead, she just runs full speed in the direction of the door. After a moment of panicked pawing at the wall, she finds the handle. She won’t stop running until she makes it to her bedroom and barricades the door behind her.

OMG You Guys!

I had to pull On The Precipice today. This thing is just becoming a monster. What was supposed to be a simple, streamlined short story is begging me to make it meatier and fuller. What does this mean.? Well, a few things. 1. Bernard is getting an accent. He is going to become an actual French person. It's a small thing, but I feel like it will be a fun addition. 2. The story is getting darker, way darker. Just when you though masturbating with blood wasn't metal enough I'm upping the shock factor. Tristan's backstory is going to be epic. 3. I can now play with more taboo subject matter. This is going to be important to the story, not just for kicks. 4. I am getting more into Tristan's headspace. By immersing myself in the thoughts of such a fucked up man, By doing so my goal is to make him more sympathetic in the end.

So there it is, folks. Oh! That and I'm ditching the title for something a little more gothic. This story is beginning to feel like I'm just a handful of demons away from a Cradle of Filth video (Dani, call me!)

In other news, the first Doctor Who recap will be up by tomorrow night! Come join me as I pick apart "Rose".

I'm currently deciding on what the next fairy tale will be to get a depraved makeover. Your childhoods have been warned!

The next project after Tristan's story will be something that is set in the 21st Century. This will be great for me because, I shouldn't have to bust out a translation dictionary! Hooray for ease! This will be great for you, dear reader, because you won't have to read my barely conversational 6th grade French! We all win! I have been kicking the idea around for a couple of months now and it's almost time to make it real.

Finally, thank you to those that are reading. This blog is still new and trying to find its legs. I hope you are finding as much enjoyment in my ramblings as I have had publishing them here.

Stayed tune in kids. I'll be here nearly everyday; same bat time, same bat channel.

My #NewToWho Story

To kick off my great Doctor Who Rewatch, I'd like to share with you my #NewToWho story. For those wondering about the hash tag, this is what the BBC uses on their website when you post your story, as well as the obvious Twitter post of 140 characters or less. Let's be honest, there is no way to sum up losing your Who virginity in just a few words. Anyway, my Doctor is the Ninth Doctor. I may be in the minority (among all the David Tennant lovers, who by the way I adore, I'll watch anything he's in), but I loved Christopher Eccleston's take on the character. Eccleston made the Doctor sarcastic, and funny. He looked like Abbott but behaved like Costello. His chemistry with Billie Piper was wonderful. I was smitten. However, this is not where I began. I popped my DW cherry with Matt Smith. It was a little over a year ago and I caught a rerun one morning before work. It was "The Pandorica Opens". I was lost as hell. There were Daleks, and Cybermen, and a whole host of the Doctor's other foes running around. The universe was going to end, Rory was a roman, there were two Amy Ponds, and my head hurt. Despite the confusion and eye crossing, I was hooked. I needed to know how they got there, what was happening, and why Alex Kingston was dressed like Cleopatra. Lucky for me, Netflix had my back, and my journey into oblivion began. One day I hope to cover the original series - pending I can get the fundage to buy the DVDs - but for now, I will have a grand old time with our modern Doctor.

What's your #NewToWho story?

Celtic Warrior

A limerick is a poem with the rhyme scheme AABBA. They are meant to be crude and inappropriate. Ironically, my limerick is inappropriate because it has no dirty elements to it.

A brave, savage man downed on the plain

From a war not his own he is slain

I reach out to the stone

Sense his blood and his bone

It's as if there is life again

The wind whispers past with stories esteemed

Of an army cut down to it's knees

A war cry is roared

"Men raise your swords!"

And it's off to racan in the trees

Knelt at the mound of those lost to might

 A people primed for a fight

 With eyes closed see the dead

Staining the fields red

The enemy snuffed out the light

So beat yer bodhran for the erstwhile

For the lonely, fatherless child

Raise a glass to the pain

For those lost in vain

And to a legacy violent and wild

Photo credit: Kariann Rice